At 6:30 am, a friend messaged me. She said my name and I could feel her hurt and helplessness as she went on to say, “where do I put this pain? I cannot put it down. I am literally going out of my mind.” And so I sent her my love and wished her strength:
My darling. You have to acknowledge it. You have to welcome it and let it stay for however long it is meant to stay. You need to let it nurture you the way that it is meant to. Work with it. Work through it. Some days you will want to confront the shit out of it. Some days you will forget it is even there. You will wake up some mornings and it will be weighing you down but over time, you will learn to push it away so you are able to get out of bed. It will be all you feel some nights but you will have to simply embrace it in order to fall asleep.
You know, some say that the pain never really does go away. We just learn to accept it, embed it into ourselves, and move on. We carry it. We remember it. Therefore, it is constantly there but we do not give it reason to surface anymore. Maybe because we are experiencing new things and people. But it is always a part of us.
Then some are of the opinion that the pain leaves after it has transformed us. That there is a reason for its existence in the time period that it is apparent. We have to simply be patient through this transitioning stage because there is a greater wisdom behind it – one that we won’t discover instantly, but will realise in time.
So you are not putting the pain anywhere. It is not your job to put it anywhere. You feel like you cannot put it down because it obviously is not done with you yet. You are going to have to go through the motions. Just like everything that is difficult in life, we have to go through it.
So for now, make the most of it and use it as fuel for your activities and mourn your losses with it whenever you feel sad. Feel it. Let it assist in building you up. Let it tear you down. I promise it is just polishing you to be a more undefeatable version of yourself.
Once it has done what it has to do, it will leave and you will look back with fondness and thank it. It is simply just a visitor. Its stay is temporary. Make the most of your experience with it because it is a source of change in your life.
Happy healing, all.
I hope this new month brims with strength and courage for every single one of us.